Agoraphobia: Don't Expect Your Family To Get It

When I say don't expect your family to get it, I don't mean that agoraphobia is not contagious. What I mean is that most families do not understand agoraphobia, at least not right away.

In my case, I was the son of a psychologist, and he didn't understand what was going on with me for over a year.

When someone gets agoraphobia, the first stages of common family reactions are as follows:

1) Denial

When you first get agoraphobia, most parents, husbands, wives, or children will not understand what is happening even if you tell them. They are most likley to shake their heads in disbelief as to why you can't do the normal things you used to do.

They may think you are making the symptoms up.
They may accuse you of being lazy, unmotivated, or purposely trying to avoid some responsibility.
They may try to use logic or reason to try to help you.
They may try to talk you out of your feelings
They may say things like "there's nothing really wrong with you" or "there's nothing to be afraid of."

2) Frustration

When their logic and reason don't help you, family members are likely to get extremely frustrated. Most people will want to fix you, and if they can't fix you they may start blaming you for not trying hard enough to get better or be normal.

I remember my dad got mad at me once and said, "Come on, any fool can breathe." That was right during a massive hyperventilation spell. I knew he just wanted to see me get better, but comments like this can really hurt.

Eventually, family members see that all of their logic and simple solutions will not solve your problem. They will have to quit denying the problem or trying to fix it. They will be forced to admit you have agoraphobia, a psychological disorder. They will have to admit they can't help you so easily. They may even have to admit that they have contributed to the development of your problem.

When family members get to the level of frustration that forces them to admit reality - they will have a big choice to make.

They can respond to your disorder in a healthy, helpful way.

Or they can respond to your disorder in an unhealthy, unhelpful way.

I will talk more about family responses to agoraphobia in the next post.